I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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