This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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