every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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