then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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