What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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