Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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