I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
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i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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