Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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