the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
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His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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