So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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