dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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