woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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