Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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