Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize