Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize