since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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