You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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