Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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