What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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