The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
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Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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