Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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