shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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