To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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