that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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