i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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