Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the day after is always just damage control
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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