My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
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Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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