You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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