I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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