i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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