he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
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After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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