I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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