Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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