you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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