So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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