He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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