Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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