If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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