I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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