That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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