i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize