it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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