I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
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