thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
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I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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