Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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