I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize