I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
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I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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