I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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