apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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