i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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